I burst onto the online Dominatrix scene as a shiny new FinDomme some time ago. I had heard that there were men who wanted something that wasn’t quite a lifestyle female led relationship (FLR), but wasn’t quite a ProDom session either.
These men, I was told, were looking for dommes who they could enjoy their fetishes with and who they could get to know on a more personal level. They didn’t want these women to be their girlfriends though, because that would mean the fantasy would slowly slip aside and they would slip into domesticity as all romantic relationships are want to do.
The idea appealed to me. I could enjoy the psychological side of BDSM – all of these interactions were online or over the phone, so there was hardly any physical side to speak of – and explore a dynamic I would enjoy, plus I would be paid in the process, so I could turn that income into whatever I liked.
These men, I was told, were looking for dommes who they could enjoy their fetishes with and who they could get to know on a more personal level. The idea appealed to me. I could enjoy the psychological side of BDSM – all of these interactions were online or over the phone, so there was hardly any physical side to speak of – and explore a dynamic I would enjoy, plus I would be paid in the process, so I could turn that income into whatever I liked.
Going about finding a financial submissive though was difficult. They didn’t *really* seem to exist. It seemed that everyone talking about findom on social media was actually another woman like me – who liked BDSM and FemDom and wanted to explore this alternative arrangement – and the few men who professed a love of FinDom were actually just the loser guys whose emails I would have ignored when they approached me on BDSM lifestyle personal sites. Their motivation seemed to be to get attention from women who usually ignored them, not to find someone who they connected with.
So I sat back on my heels and spent a lot of time thinking. I thought about why things were this way, and how I could find what I was looking for. But, I quickly ran out of ideas. There was no way for me to find these men that wasn’t going to waste a lot of time I thought, and besides, the best submissives were never really actively looking, they were too busy serving.
Taking a step back from that, I threw myself into being a sessional dominatrix, playing with people who paid me for a specific amount of time where I got to be my kick-ass domme self in session and who then would go back to their normal day as I would go back to mine.
It was fun, enjoyable, and a lot more profit was made than is ever made by 99% of online FinDommes.
I still followed those ladies on social though, because they had reached out and become friends in my first few months as an online dominatrix.
Their social media feeds though, they got weirder the longer I spent out of those circles.
Where I was advising of when I would be online or when a new audio would be released for those too shy to call, there they were talking about the money itself and how that was the thing that got them wet.
I would stare at the words on my screen in disbelief.
Money, get them wet?
No it doesn’t, I thought.
I had known these women, they were college girls all over the world, or women struggling on welfare. They were the people who had a lot of time, but no money. They were the people who no matter what, they seemed to always be online, talking about findom, and how they wanted someone to play with. They were hungry.
And now money was making them wet.
I started to look a little closer at these tweets. They were hungry, but they were also talking about power, passion, how amazing and sexy and domly these girls were. They were talking about how they would do anything for money, but you had to “beg” them.
Then I looked at the photos. All vanilla girls in vanilla garb. All women modelling and posing and sending ‘I’m hot, pay me now!’ messages with their image, but not actually modelling any sort of relationship, or even kink.
Then there were the alerts they apparently got on their phones, all from paypal (a website that rails against being used for FinDom). Someone had sent them money, or they had a naughty message from a submissive.
No-one was giving them money, I realized slowly. They had sent that cash to themselves though paypal. Whose phone only has alerts from one place when they switch it on?
For example, I just connected my phone to the internet. When the connection came through, alerts flooded in: email, from social media, from my banking app, from a game I like to play when I am waiting in line literally anywhere. Sometimes there are alerts from a payment apps, but they would be lost in all the other alerts, wouldn’t they?
The further I get away from the social media world of FinDom, sometimes, I feel the better for me it is.
Money never got anyone wet. But, poverty sure sucks. If eroticising money is what it takes for people who lift themselves out of poverty – as many findoms seem to be doing, even as they won’t admit it – so be it.
But I think for me, I would rather explore the world of kink on my own terms, rather than on the well-trodden path of people who fake it on social until they make it (if they ever do).
I am also outside the normal demographic of Findommes. I have a professional career – although it allows me to work from home most of the time – and have money coming in from other sources. I see being a dominatrix as a sort of side-career. It is one I love and one which springs from passion, but it is work none the less.
It is possible to explore FinDom dynamics side-by-side with sessional ProDom, yet, I have not quite found how I will do that. Perhaps writing this here will be the first step in that direction. Perhaps I will meet other dominant women who feel this way, and who have been thinking the same thoughts as I have. Perhaps I will find my people and my community.
Or not. Such is the joy of blogging.
Victoria Gray 