I know a lot of Dominatrix have written about how much it actually costs us to maintain our skill sets, not to mention the costuming, appearance, and equipment we use. I know a lot of dominatrix have talked about how this is a service and you wouldn’t ask your plumber for a free service, those posts are great, but my post isn’t that post.
My post is about what happens when you really do think you’re ‘getting it for free’. Everything in the world costs something. It cost someone time and energy to make it, to learn it, to create and build it. It cost someone something to be at work, just as it cost their boss to pay them for their time.
So let’s pretend instead of trading money for a service, you have something else to trade. Let’s pretend you find a woman who doesn’t mind trying your kinks, but you have to give her your time, instead of your money (supposing you’re available to do so). Now, this woman isn’t as skilled as a dominatrix, because she didn’t spend years honing her craft. She isn’t as conventionally good looking as a dominatrix because she isn’t being paid to be hot. She is being paid to answer the phone in an office. She is very good at answering phones and passing off serious complaints to her boss. But, she’s not so great at your kinks. She might hurt you. She might do you harm, even though she doesn’t mean to.
She could do you some serious damage. But, then, maybe she wouldn’t. Maybe she would be fine. Even though she doesn’t have hours and hours to research the risks around your kink or go to seminars where she can learn about them – much less host those seminars – she somehow manages to preform your kink without doing you any harm.
But then she needs you to do things for her. What about her kinks? What about her physical, psychological, and emotional needs? What happens when one of her children gets sick or her parent is dying? Who is she going to call to help her out, to offer her emotional – and yes financial – support?
What about when she gets mad? Gets her period? What if she gets fed up with you and your fetishes after a few years and leaves you, taking at least half of your assets?
Sure, you can find kinky people who won’t ‘make you pay’ with money, but everything has a cost. In order to get something, you have to give something. If you don’t pay with money, you pay with time. And really, I would rather have a plumber fix my sink than pull it apart myself, get the parts, learn how it works, then put it back together doing an awful job because I don’t know how to plumb, I am not a plumber.
I am a dominatrix, and I can tell you we spend just as much time as others do learning their trade – oftentimes we spend even more time learning our trade, and keeping our skills current – our labor has a cost. If you don’t like it, find someone who charges less, but remember there is never a free lunch! 😉
Victoria Gray 