I originally posted this on my Medium blog, Notes From Your Dominatrix.
Having coffee with a friend the other day my phone buzzed and recognizing this particular notification sound I picked the phone up from the table with a smile on my face as I checked the notification.
“Sorry not sorry — just getting paid!” I told my friend by way of explanation as to why I was suddenly on my phone in the middle of our coffee date.
“Did you make much?” She asked, seeing my face break into an even bigger grin.
I took a breath and put my phone down. “That was this weeks financial goal, that was.” I told her.
Many of my friends tell me — usually over coffee or a short lunch they’ve had to sneak away from the office for — that they are surprised by my lifestyle.
Although I have been my own boss for a while now running my vanilla business, I have never had as much free time before as I do now.
Now I wake up whenever I want to, do a little work, then run off to the beach for an afternoon in the sand before having dinner in a beach side cafe, then repeat the following day.
Of course this success didn’t come from nowhere — I have been building up business skills for years, in addition to a deep knowledge of all things kink and BDSM.
While my friends were partying in university, I was opening a small business online. While living abroad, I sought out sex and BDSM workshops where I could learn about kink for its own sake. Not necessarily because I had whatever kink I was learning about. That was how curious and interested I was.
I did online courses in life coaching, psychology, financial planning, business and entrepreneurship, marketing, website design, how to create online products, and the list goes on. All because I saw some potential in all of these things in creating the business and life I desired.
Reading widely was also something that I did. Reading a few hundred books a year and squeezing in the time to acquire new knowledge in every gap of time I could find between studying full time, working full time, and starting a business.
I worked hard. I still do.
My life is not easy, I still have to use the skills it took me years to cultivate and still have to run a business, but I have to put less time in to it than ever before to make more than I ever did before.
The one skill though that I have learned that sets me apart from others is key though.
The secret skill I have is that I learned the art of seduction. I know how to gain a man’s attention and hold it. I know how to seduce him into getting what I want.
What I want right now is more time to myself. I want more time to dedicate to projects that I feel are truly important. I want more time to work on myself, to hone my skills, and not have to worry about the stress of the almighty dollar.
But to have all that and do all that, I had to know how to give people what they wanted in just the way that their souls were being fed and fulfilled and they saw enough value in what I have to offer to support my lifestyle.
I guess that’s where all of my other skills came into play. I could council someone who was struggling at work, or offer insights into their deepest kinks that not even they had thought of.
To gain someones loyalty and trust, I had to be trustworthy. This isn’t a scam I am running. I am the person who I claim to be. I am the strong dominant woman who is intelligent, present, and engaged.
I am their fantasy completely.
Of course on my end it is not all about money. I also have men doing all sorts of things they couldn’t imagine themselves doing before they had met me. I make buff military men get fittings at Victoria’s Secret and Lawyer’s wear diapers while performing their ultra conservative profession.
When I make them do all these things, they feel a sense of embarrassment, their shame response is sometimes activated and sometimes yes, they do run away.
They always come back though. They’re always ultimately happy to be ‘made’ to do things that they found challenging. They’re excited to do my bidding again because they know they will ultimately be happier, healthier people because of the inner work I make them do, and the tasks I am setting for them which can be fun, but are often incredibly challenging for them personally, and that is the point. I make them grow. I make them shine.
Seduction is a subtle art, and it is more about getting a sense of a person and knowing when to push and when to hold back. Push too far as some dominatrix have found, and it will have dire consequences for you or your charge. Don’t push hard enough and the entire point of the dynamic is lost.
Unlike business skills, seduction is something different. I am a natural seductress.
Seduction is something I cultivated throughout my life, a skill and art that I naturally had to begin with, but which I also learned to hone. I learned what questions to ask and how — and when — to present an idea. I learned how to make my pets ask themselves those questions and to communicate to them that they can come to me when they are ready for more, I will always be here. Whip held in hand seductively.
Being a dominatrix isn’t just about going hard or pushing someone, although those can be important aspects of what I do. In a big part it is about adding value to someone’s life.
There are plenty of people who are playing at being a dominatrix, and good for them. It takes many years to hone the craft, and to gain the knowledge before that knowledge and those skills you spend so long cultivating in the first place meld into instincts and wisdom.
Being a seductress is enjoyable, but what I do with that super power is what makes it special for my pets.