Most Men Are Submissives and They Don’t Want Us to Know

He was running towards me in the pouring rain. His hair was wet and in his eyes as he raised a too-pale hand to brush a mop of hair away. I knew he hated being wet. I knew he hated ruining his perfect hair. 

But when he reached me, he smiled the biggest smile. Relief. I was okay. Forgetting that he was supposed to be my manager and supposed to behave in a professional manner at all times — not least of all because the guy was supposed to be getting married soon — he threw his arms around me. 

“Thank god you’re alright!” He told me dramatically. 

Unceremoniously, I shifted my weight and pushed the tall, broad man backwards, into the car I had just gotten out of. I rolled my eyes pointedly and stomped over to the car he had just run from. The engine was still running. I would get there in time. 

It has been a long time since I worked for a boss, but when I did, I got this a lot. Male colleagues — often managers — who would forget themselves. They somehow got so swept up in roles I know I never assigned them to, that they became protectors, providers, they were way more service orientated than their jobs specified they had to be. 

When I talk to vanilla friends about their day jobs, and the last time I had a day job, they often identify the same trait. 

When men care about you, they become servants. They’re not the bosses boy anymore, they’re your boy — my boy—and they’ll do whatever I need them to do. They care about me. They are concerned when the company car I have been driving out to see a client breaks down on the side of the road in a storm.

To me it is incredibly strange when male submissives talk about how embracing their submissive selves challenges their masculinity. When to me, and the women I know, the men around us fall into service even when they’re not supposed to. That is just how they show they care.

Acts of service are a love language, sure, but they seem to be a love language a lot of men — or certainly men who are worthwhile — have as their main and sometimes only love language. 

Sure, a girl loves to receive nice gifts, but she wants to receive them from someone who is giving because he recognizes how that will improve her life, or make her happy. 

Sure, a domme will want someone obedient and intelligent, but she wants to know this desire to serve is something that comes from a deeper place for him. She wants to know his heart is engaged, not just his dick. 

To me, there is no more masculine thing than to protect, provide and serve. I really wish we’d stop telling men that these important traits make them ‘less manly’, it’s ridiculous. 

And the guy who saved me in the rain? He’s not getting married anymore. He does handy man work around my home and occasionally sessions with me. He found that acts of service were important to maintaining his happiness and that didn’t work in his past romantic relationship, so he’s my submissive now. 

I don’t make a lot of space for new pets. Certainly not long-term pets, because it takes a lot to maintain these relationships and even more devotion to maintain them online. But when I do take someone new on, it is always incredibly exciting to lead them down a path where they get to discover the best parts of themselves. 

Sometimes those best parts are ones that only I get to enjoy, and that can make them extra special! 

Sometimes as they discover those parts of themselves that they never let themselves enjoy before, they realize how society telling themselves these parts aren’t ‘manly’ is a load of shit. Their desire to serve, to protect, are incredibly manly. They discover that these notions of how they were taught they should relate to women are not about them and they can be free. 

Free to be whoever they are, because there is nothing wrong with who they are. Who they are is enough. 

Who they are is just perfect for a domme like me. 

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