Being A Domme Isn’t Printing Money
In the past, even I fell into the trap of saying this gig was easier than it actually is. It’s not. I am sorry for my part in perpetuating the myth that femdom and findom — particually online — are easy work, or are no work at all. They are far from it.
Scrolling through TikTok the other day I came across a young girl who was telling her viewers that she is not kinky, thinks fetish is ‘pretty gross’ but doesn’t mind taking money off ‘gross guys’ because it helps her pay for her college book list.
I get it. To outsiders, this may seem like easy money. These young people sit in their dorm room and scroll for hours, trying to pick up the perfect tone on twitter or reddit to have guys handing over wads of cash.
But, that’s not what this is. Also, for people who think that’s what this is they’re either incredibly lucky to have people actually paying them money or they’re always poor, constantly chasing get rich quick schemes, of which this whole ‘jump on the financial domination train’ is only the latest.
Those guys I mentioned — who new and hopeful girls just got lucky with — might hand over some money for a little while, but they have been doing this for much longer than you have. They know all the games and tricks, and they know that you don’t know what you’re doing, they can smell it on you. They know you’re not kinky what’s more they know you’re not a professional domme. They know the power lies with them and their wallets. They will make you jump for that money, too. You thought you were a player, but you’re just a pawn.
I am not saying that absolutely every submissive or fetishist who looks for this kind of interaction online is of the same thinking, the guys who are though will be the first ones to find you and they will pay you far less than your labor is worth. They will play power games with money, often promising large amounts of cash that you will never see just to hold your attention so they can get what they were here for in the first place. The attention of a young girl who they find attractive.
Many, many women do not understand how men are addicted to female attention, and how some will resort to playing silly games on the internet to get that attention from people who think they are playing silly games with them. If he was serious, he would have found someone else who was just as serious.
Watching this girl on TikTok was one thing, but when I went into her comments section I saw a bunch of questions that could be summed up as “how do I get this easy money? I want on the gravy train!” Those messages bothered me.
Sure, the attitude is unrealistic and sex work is work, so you’re going to have a rude awakening sometime. But also, it bothered me because the amount of girls seeing this now and how this is being peddled to younger and younger women — some of these people were clearly not of age — was distressing.
There’s no real easy answers to this. Respecting sex workers, feminized work and women generally is a good place to start. That’s a long way off though sadly.
Right now, I can add my voice to the chorus of voices calling this peddling of sex work as a get rich quick scheme out for what it is.
If I was to have the attention of one of these girls — and she was willing to wipe the dollar signs from her eyes long enough — I would talk to her about how this is work. This is a full time job that often doesn’t pay as well as she thinks, that comes with no benefits, where the hours are often anti-social — many people giving up their Friday and Saturday nights to answer calls or meet clients or whatever — I would tell them about the scams sex workers have to deal with, even online sex workers. We can talk about how platforms often boot us without notice or reason which impacts our income. We can talk about how often the platforms where we make that money are impacted by laws or the whims of credit card companies and banks that mean they have to close overnight often taking our earnings with them. Sometimes individual sex workers lose more than these girls make in a year at their regular job when that happens.
American sex workers can talk about how during the pandemic there was no government assistance for them, yet that same government always has their hands out at tax time. A domme I follow on twitter pays six-figure tax bills annually, but as she pointed out if she needed help, she would be on her own.
I think the important thing to remember though is that this industry isn’t what people on the outside say it is. When people think about sex work they either think about two archetypes the high-priced call girl (glamour) or the street walker(tragedy). Obviously there is much more to this huge world-wide industry than that. Obviously the glamorizing or moralizing of peoples labor doesn’t happen quite as much as it does in other professions like say, coffee making or truck driving.
Just like those two examples though, this is a job. It is work. It’s hard work sometimes where you feel like you’re constantly grinding and getting nowhere, and other times you catch a break so ride that wave.
If you’re young and thinking about this, do your research before you get involved. Unlike other industries, getting into this one can often not be reversed. Sex work for many is a binding choice, just like having children is a binding choice. There are many people who make these sorts of choices on a whim and regret them, do your research and make an informed decision before you do either.
I am not here to scare anyone, and hope that this blog serves as a balanced perspective on what is often a hot button issue.
If you have any questions for me, ask them in the comments. If it’s a question you have, it’s likely others have the same question too and would appreciate the answer just as much as you do.
Stay safe out there!
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Victoria Gray 