Holding Space to Receive the Gift of Submission

Next level BDSM shit — for the devoted only! 😉

“If you play well in places you’re not sure you have permission to go, you’ll discover resources you didn’t know were available” 

— Kasia Urbaniak 

Sometimes when we’re playing, we find ourselves curiously led in a direction we didn’t expect. Holding space for my submissives, and going there together is something truly wonderful about practicing BDSM, particularly the heady mostly psychological BDSM I practice online. 

Yes, there can be some times where I find myself feeling things can be getting a bit stale with a submissive. Sometimes that is right before the submissive leaves me — they always return later though, so I am not worried as I can always rely on them relapsing — but other times that staleness is what precedes a massive break through. 

Some time ago I had a submissive who was located in the US. He was a lot of fun to play with, tipped well, and got my devious kinky mind working. That is something I love, when the submissives who I attract make my mind work. 

They can be someone who works in an interesting field. 

They can be an “ideas person”, and have the kind of ideas I like to hear about!

They can have just had different life experiences and perspectives than me. 

But then again some of them just, have that special something that I adore without really being able to identify. Actually, most of my favorites have that special something. But let’s not tell them because it might inflate their egos! 😉 

This particular sub had been with me for a couple of months and things were starting to get stale, mostly because his life circumstances meant we couldn’t do much of the play I enjoy most and he was beginning to get frustrated about that. 

So there we were, at a cross roads, when one day he said something about one of my audios. He commented on the way I said a certain word, and that another phrase I used didn’t sound Australian. 

It was only a small thing, but it stopped me in my tracks. I was curious. 

“What does it sound like?” I asked, knowing full well that I am an Australian, and not too sure what else I could sound like. 

“I don’t know, it sounds, almost Canadian.” He told me. 

Then I laughed. I couldn’t help it. 

I thought about what he had said and yes, I had lived in Canada briefly and apparently had taken more away from the experience than old snow boots and a love for a few Canadian specialties. 

That curiosity broke us out of our inertia and broke me out of my domme role — something that I had been feeling quite robotic in up until that point — we talked about travel and living abroad and he started telling me about how he had a fetish for a few odd pieces of cold-weather clothing. 

Fetishes he had never disclosed to me before, much less that he had admitted to himself. It was pretty niche, and not something he had paid much mind to.

Then things started to open up to a few other ‘odd things’ he had never told anyone, things he found deadly sexy but couldn’t talk to anyone about — not even his wife — they were just a few odd things, but things that he linked back to his childhood, so they held an extra special place in his heart. 

I am not going to disclose what I did with this information or how it fed the dynamic going forward, but when I read the quote mentioned at the start of this post in a book bought for me by another favored submissive, it made me smile. 

Because sometimes the oddest little things — and maintaining the curiosity through those things , making space for play and curiosity for the submissive— can bring us to a place we hadn’t expected, and to a much more authentic, vulnerable, and real place. 

Not only is this a level of yourself you can’t really find on your own — you need the other person to hold that space for you to explore yourself, something the best dommes know how to do well — but it is a place that many would shut down when you went there. A place many just aren’t ready for.

When the space it held though, and you are ready to explore, together the two of you can find far more intimate and wonderful places than you could find alone. 


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