Getting & Keeping The Hottest BDSM Dynamic

Want to submit? Play? Do some wild, kinky fetish shit? I’ve got you. 

“Goddess, please! I’ll do whatever you want!” He begged. I sighed and picked up a nail file. I started filing my nails down and looked over at the clock. He had been talking to me for an hour about how I would use him, abuse him, how we would have the hottest kinkiest fun together, of course it was all hot air and we both knew it. This guy didn’t want — nor was he ready for — the kind of psychological BDSM I love to indulge in. 

I love, love, LOVE to get my kink on. I adore a submissive man begging, pleading, losing their dignity as they grovel like a dog wanting to please. It’s a buzz, a high, exquisitely exciting and I cannot get enough. 

But this guy, he was just talking. Talking is fine. I can see when it is just a little psychological fun. A little titillation in an otherwise dull work week.  

Hey, I even have boys who never talk but choose to tribute silently whenever I post a hot selfie or talk about a private BDSM play party I am going to. 

But the guys who just talk about how hot things will be and never actually do a single task for you, never play a single FemDom game, and refuse to send the tributes you know you deserve, they’re deadly boring. 

Of course, I let him talk. I let him go as I filed my nails. 

My mind was elsewhere. I was thinking about a hot session I had had before this guy called where I had a much more masochistic boy kneeling on rice and how I had made him tell me over the phone about what a pathetic little boy he was. 

I remembered the rush. 

Then this guy was in my ear again, talking about how he would do this and would do that for me. How he would be whatever I wanted him to be. 

The reality is, he wasn’t ever going to be anything for me, or anyone else. He is someone who loves to fantasize, but when it comes to actually submitting, he wasn’t ready. 

When would he be ready? I didn’t know. I didn’t particularly care if he was never ready. It’s not up to me to care. If he doesn’t care about those things, and is happy to call me up begging and crying, then he is welcome to. 

Of course I do hold my closest boys and gurls to a higher standard, but he wasn’t mine. Despite having already sent the key to his chastity device to me. 

To me, it felt as though he was treating me like a keyholding service, rather than his domme. There was no real D/s in it, and that was a shame. 

He was still begging down the line, a part of me — the domme that really does exist behind the dominatrix persona I have to wear to do this work effectively — wanted to hang up. I wanted to tell him to find someone else, all while refusing to send back his key because fuck him, he hadn’t earned a release. 

But then something shifted. I think he knew this dynamic wasn’t working either. 

“Mistress, I have to go.” He told me. “I don’t think I will be able to call you for a while.” 

The shift in energy was palpable. It took me out of my boredom, but only for a moment. 

“Oh?” I asked, curious. 

“Yeah, I don’t think this is working.” He told me. 

“I agree.” I told him. 

“You do?” He asked, surprised. 

I took a breath, slowly let it out. I knew whatever I said next had to be very carefully worded. “Yes. I do agree.” I began, “It’s been fun, but there is no power dynamic here. There won’t be either, until you’re ready to submit.” 

A beat. Two. I wasn’t going to fill the silence. That was something he would need to do. 

“When will I be ready?” He asked me. 

“You’ll know.” I told him. “I’ll speak to you when you are.” 

We said our goodbyes and hung up. 

I put the nail file down and took a sip of wine. What a shame, I thought as I reflected on how common the fantasy of the whip wielding dominatrix is, but how few people are ready for the reality. 

Submission isn’t a cake walk. It’s hard work to be that vulnerable and it takes a lot of maturity and self knowledge. I can open the door, but not every potential sub is ready to walk through it. 

If you’re reading this as a submissive, when was the moment that you first let go and submitted? Write about it in the comments. Share your joy so that others can understand more fully what they’re missing out on! 😉