Paying My Rent With Men’s Tears

Not quite the tears you expected, though.

Photo by dole777 on Unsplash

I’ve said it before, I love to make a grown man cry. There is something so intoxicating about seeing their faces turn red, and them smoosh their bottom lip to stop it going all square right before they let their tears flow.

Of course, you’ll think it’s my sadistic desires I am talking about. You’ll think I am about to talk about my work as a dominatrix and how much I adore making these guys explode with emotions.

That’s not it.

I love making a grown man cry in ways — and for reasons — you wouldn’t quite expect.

Say hello to internet politics.

Some time ago after starting up this medium, I had someone land in my DMs on OnlyFans. He was a nice enough guy at first, until he was turned down. Then suddenly the dam wall broke and he spilled vitriol. I rolled my eyes and put him in the time out corner.

Apparently that was not enough, because then he started sharing my writings on the online message boards run for and by men who cannot get laid, and think that personal problem should become a wider social problem that everyone on the internet needs to worry about.

I didn’t say they were bright.

Those guys hit up my medium, which actually worked in my favor. Because the some algorithm that Medium uses to measure engagement and then to pay us picked a couple of things up, but none of them were these guys feelings. The algo really doesn’t care about your feelings. It measures engagement.

So I was getting a heap of engagement out of nowhere. I was excited to see it, and excited to see my medium payouts going up. What before measured at ‘a couple of coffees a month’ was beginning to look more like rent money.

But, how did I stoke these flames? How did I keep making money off fragile men’s tears?

I never quite worked it out. I did consider writing something to deliberately annoy them, like how I relax on the beach spending all their hard-earned cash on cocktails while they’re at work.

Then I thought about the big picture — something I always try to do — and about all of the wonderful submissives I have connected with through this and other places over the years. I thought about how hard it would be to connect with those guys if I was just posting stuff for these guys.

I thought about my priorities, and about how I am trying to build stable connections with great submissives — as well as have a few playthings around for when I am bored, or when I just want someone to be mean to before going back to my favorite boys — and I thought better of playing into this dynamic.

It does make me think though, about all of the shock jocks and minor celebrities Australia has, and how they have literally made their whole career from being divisive, from upsetting people. It’s a difficult one, because this is so easy to play into. It’s easy to feed the trolls and watch your money multiply.

But where is the fun in that? It’s low-brow, it’s boring. There will be no challenge in ten years time. Only me being boring and repetitive. There’s only so many ways I can act as an avatar for these little boys insecurities.

And we all know there are enough people hitting up social media right now — even one very popular virtual sex worker who once trolled me on twitter and is now enjoying the backlash of social media telling her to be a better mother — I don’t need to add to it.

But, if you see me out here feeding the trolls and laughing while I rake in the cash, no you didn’t.

Originally posted on my Medium publication Notes From Your Dominatrix.

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