The male chastity kink is on the rise, but why do more men want to hand over the keys to their manhood to powerful women?
Originally published on Notes From Your Dominatrix
Anecdotally, I had noticed a huge increase in people offering me their chastity keys since I got started as a pro domme in 2019. Being a keyholder to slaves kept in chastity isn’t something new to me, as I was involved in the BDSM lifestyle before I crossed over to professional BDSM. The increase though in interest in chastity has been incredibly obvious.
At one stage I looked at my book shelf — where I keep keys — and I felt relieved that I had kept the keys in the envelopes they had arrived in, as if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t know whose device which key was for by now. There’s just too many!
I posed this question on social media a few weeks ago, to see if anyone who was wearing a device would know exactly why our shared kink was on the rise (pun intended).
Of course, many of the answers were very similar — chastity is becoming cheaper with devices now costing very little and being better quality than they were only a few years ago; chastity cages are also more widely available online; more FemDoms are talking about chastity online from Twitter to FetLife to Reddit (where the more on reddit later) which is making more male subs curious; there are more books and other resources on chastity; there has been an increase in online FemDom/MaleSub and that means there has been an increase in finding ways to strengthen that connection. Chastity just makes sense for online kink.
To me it feels like chastity used to be this niche kink that not many people had. If you were interested, you had to dig around the internet to find what you were looking for and it could be a bit of a challenge. There used to be only two cage designs and that was it. Not as many people knew about this kink, and most women didn’t really know what was in it for them. Now, things are different.
Now that I have spoken about anecdotal evidence from my own and others experience, I have some data to share. We’re a culture more and more obsessed with data nowadays after all.
Looking at the google trends data, I can see that the general search for “chastity cage” has gone up over time, for one.
Over time it appears that the kink is increasing in popularity. I think this has as much to do with men’s fantasies about a sexy seductress taking control of their manhood as it has to do with those seductresses increasingly knowing how to wield that power.
From the FemDom side, as recently as a few of years ago, I was discussing FemDom and female led relationships with a few other local FemDommes over cocktails one night. One of the girls was saying that she had found a great new way to control her man, chastity. At the time — only a few years ago — the other women laughed, not taking her seriously. How could she control him with a bit of metal? BDSM is a mental game, they all thought. It’s surrender and submission. It’s desire and distance and intimacy and fantasy fulfillment. Don’t tell us engaging in his kink has much to do with you they all said. This is about him. All about him. You’re not a domme, you’re a fetish dispenser.
This young domme rolled her eyes, she knew better. No, it did help her extend her control over him. Chastity was a tool she was using to show him who was boss. Every time he saw himself, he thought of her. Every time he got aroused and felt the tightness of the cage, he thought of her. Even if she wasn’t the reason for his arousal, she was all that took up his mind once that cage squeezed his tiny prick. He thought of her and remembered that she was the one who truly held the power particularly when he was begging for release, for attention, for anything from her, when she got to feel that power over denying him something so simple as the pleasure of her attention — that’s when she felt her most sexy and powerful.
And she didn’t even have to be in the same room — much less the same city — as him in order to hold this power over him.
This was something they could engage in when he was travelling for work, or when she had a girls weekend away, or when they were apart for the evening for any reason at all.
She loved it.
And of course, like any room where there’s more ego present than open minds, there was plenty of eye rolling from the older dommes present and, ‘if you don’t do kink the way I do, then you’re not a weal and twue kinkster.’ If you’ve been around kink long enough — which is any length of time — then you know that this is like. As frustrating as it was to have these women present taking up space and not allowing me to hear more about the kink, their irrelevance really did make them invisible.
I ignored them as I asked for more details. I was mostly focusing on how everything felt — because her feelings would be more instructive than her ego — how did it feel to hold that key? To have it around her neck? Did he give her special jewelry to wear it on? Did that make the exchange more special? How did it feel for him? Were there times when he begged for more time in the cage? Where he begged for denial, rather than begging for release?
She opened my mind up to what was a new way of seeing this kink that night — my exposure to chastity as a kink to date had just been locking up my boyfriends and teasing them for an hour or two, or the permanent chastity my sissies were kept in which didn’t usually involve any tease, and usually didn’t involve too much interaction with the cage-kink for me at all — but this was something new, something hot. Something that wasn’t just about the guys anymore, it was about me too. About what I could get out of this too.
So I spoke to her, we eventually chatted away from everyone who thought they knew better as although they were now invisible to me, she was still tired of all their eye rolling and rude comments. I am glad I met her because meeting her and my open mind led me to something that I have enjoyed ever since.
Chastity is one of my biggest kinks — not just here in the world of online play, but generally — I love the tease, the denial, the using chastity as a tool to bend a submissive ever so slightly to my will. When the chemistry is there I can be feeling just as powerful as the domme I mentioned before. When the chemistry is not there, I can still enjoy counting the days, pushing a submissive past what they thought they could endure. Or, keeping a sissy in that happy state of bliss of watching their little clitty shrink and become more and more useless as they themselves slide into a part of themselves they might not get the chance to explore any other way.
But that’s the thing with chastity — it’s a little cage that goes on someone’s private parts. It doesn’t mean much in and of itself. Actually, it’s inconvenient and annoying if anything. That is, unless you know what you are doing and you have a real purpose. A real motivation to make this into something.
Chastity is wonderful. I guess that’s why it is becoming more popular. That’s the simple answer, chastity is wonderful and people are just beginning to realize that now. Because it has taken people some time to realize how wonderful chastity is, the increase in popularity has been slow.
Perhaps this post will help chastity become more popular.
Couldn’t hurt! 😉
What is your experience with chastity? Why do you love/hate it? Tell us more about your experiences in the comments!